Love and loss

I'm not even sure what to title this post. I really just need to write through some emotions.

We took Slade to meet with his birth parents and birth great grandparents yesterday. It was an exciting and joyous time for us. I was proud to show him off to the ones who brought him into existence. I felt proud for them...what a fabulous child they created. There were some teary eyes initially but mostly just joyous smiles and laughter as we all watched Slade be his adorable, sweet self.

It was a good visit. A sweet time. Something to be cherished.

But today I feel emotional. I'm wondering how his birth parents are doing after watching and holding and playing with the precious little boy that they really don't know. Are they depressed? Are they mourning all over again? Are they fearful they made the wrong choice? Are they content after seeing how happy Slade is? I don't know.

All I know is that there is loss in adoption. There is so much loss. I believe in adoption. I wish everyone would adopt. I wish women would choose adoption over abortion every single time. None the less, I would be a fool to ignore the pain and loss that comes with adoption.

There is pain for many adoptive parents and there is pain for the birth families but oh how there is pain for the adopted child. Watching Slade and his birth family was so surreal. Here is a woman holding this child that she carried, that she bore and yet she doesn't know him. Here is the child who has this couple's blood flowing through his veins, yet they are complete strangers to him. It isn't right yet it is best.

Today I'm on the verge of tears. I am praying for Slade's birth family but I am also thankful that this meeting made the reality of Slade's story strike me once again. I need to remember that though he is fully my child, he has a story that is completely his own. He will need to process the story, feel the story and react to the story however he needs. It is his story, not mine.

The story is so beautiful to me. It's a story of love on so many levels. It's a joyous story to me. But, I mustn't forget that it's a story of a baby losing his family. A baby never truly knowing the woman in whose belly he was created and formed. I pray that I will allow him to grieve and respond to this however he needs as he grows up. I pray I will respect him enough to be honest about the good and the ugly.

Someday tears will be his but today they are mine.